i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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