The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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