Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
