She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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