i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
