for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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