I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
