hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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