there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
