I faked an abortion last night.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
