They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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