i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
