I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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