I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
