I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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