I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
