Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
