i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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