They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
