You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
