I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
