i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
NoShamevember. You game?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
