Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
