if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
