Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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