you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
