My girlfriend figured out who you are.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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