Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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