I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
