Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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