Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
