My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish I only lived at night.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
