I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
