Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
