I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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