He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
