I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
