You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
