LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
