so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
