You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
