Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
