I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
