i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
