Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
