jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
