i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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