I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
