I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Found your dick twin last night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
