I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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