Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
