and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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