I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
